Many thanks to GG for filling in for the games v Chelts and Newport, the cheque's in the post GG. Oh, hang on. I've got a worse credit score than the RBS so they took my cheque book away from me ages ago. Sorry! It's funny now whenever I enquire about something and I get told, "Well what we'll do is run a quick credit search....." and once I've heard that I just tell them to forget it then and walk off or hang up.
Anyway, York City are the visitors to Plainmoor on Saturday and the Minstermen will be looking to back up their 4-2 home win against Portsmouth at the weekend with another 3 points in Devon. Ex-Gull Ryan Jarvis will be returning to the club he left during the summer and he should get a good reception. Always liked Jarvo, ok he's not the best but he's often the running man and give him the ball around the area and he can finish, a real predator so I hope the Plainmoor faithful welcome the lad back. He got a raw deal at Torquay with the style of play Ling adopted I feel. He has also scored 5 goals for the Yorkies and so needs watching. With Richard Cresswell sitting out the last game of a 3 game ban it is certain that Jarvo will be starting for the men in red, white and blue.
I've been using my York City links (I was a regular at Bootham Crescent for a good few years in the 90's ) and from what I gather they have been playing better this season than their results suggest and apart from the 0-0 home draw v Hartlepool. A game which someone told me they (and Hartlepool) were atrocious and both sets of fans could have had a kip for an an hour and a half and not missed owt. It looks like they may be picking up now and although they have only one draw to their name on their travels (a 1-1 at Wycombe) they have only failed to score at Dagenham, netting 2 at Brizzle and 1 at Exeter.
All in all they have a similar profile to us in the sense that they have struggled for form, they have two wins against struggling opposition (like us and I class Pompey as struggling too) , they have failed to score at home to Hartlepool (like us) and drew 0-0 and we both have the same goal difference of -4. They are in 21st place a point behind us on 8. This suggests that the game on Saturday could have goals in it but that a draw looks a likely result.
Nigel Worthington took over at the end of last season in what could have been the end of days for the Minstermen however he kept them above the league 2 trapdoor and now he will be looking to push on and mould a side up there in North Yorkshire. He has relied on free signings like ourselves and has had to ship out a lot of dead wood and introduce many new faces to the club.
In the goalkeeping department they have NI stopper Michael Ingham who is very experienced. He has made well over 200 appearances for York and he also has 3 caps for Northern Ireland including a debut in 4-1 defeat to Germany several years back. Worthingtoh has added Chris Kettings on loan from Blackpool as back up.
In defence they have released Chris Doig to the codheads, another with experience Jon Challinor has joined non league Stamford after spending pre-season with the Daniels at Kettering Road (they are nicknamed 'the daniels' after allegedly the fattest man in English history who was called Daniel Lambert and who died in the town). I always thought Rene Howe was the fattest man in English history followed by another ex-Gull Billy Kee and then Chunkygull, then Jonny Vegas and then me. Oh and I forgot about that bloke off Channel 4 with the 68 stone testicles, yes, he is probably heavier than me I suspect. Apologies for that load of boll*cks. Former Leeds youngster Jameel Ible has also been let go, to Guiseley.
Coming in to shore up the back line are 17 year old defender Ben Davies who has been starting for York and he comes from Preston NE on loan. He is very highly thought of. They also have established players already there such as Lanre Oyebanjo, Chris Smith, Danny Parslow, David McGurk and Jamal Fyfield.
In the middle of the park they have released Pat McLaughlin and Scott Kerr to the codheads, I liked Kerr, thought he was a decent player at this level but hey what do I know? Matty Blair has gone to other codheads at Fleetwood, Lee Bullock finds himself by the seaside too at Whitby Town. Lovely place, been a million times. Lived not far off near Pickering about 10 years back in a village called Kirbymoorside in Ryedale.
Michael Potts, brother of Paul has joined Guiseley and is taking lessons from the tenor so he can deliver a stinging rendition of 'Sh*t ground no fans' whenever he runs out onto the Nethermoor Park turf. Guiseley is a very nice place as i'm sure Gazzab our Leeds based Gull will testify.
Coming in from Middlesbrough (he did right - THEY ARE SERIOUSLY SH*TE!!) is Ryan Brobbel on loan, Elliot Whitehouse comes in for a brief stint from Sheff U, ex Gills man Lewis Montrose joined on a 2 year deal, Estonian international Sander Puri also signed a 2 year deal after being released by St Mirren. He began his career back in Estonia with a club sponsored by high class prozzies. FC Premium Tartu. Josh Carson has signed a one year deal in 2 weeks back and they also have Ashley Chambers, Craig Clay, Michael Coulson and Tom Platt.
I happen to think that their midfield is incredibly weak and we can really exploit that. Not so weak however is their attack. We all know about Jarvo but they also have Wes Fletcher signed from Burnley, Ryan Bowman, Richard Cresswell (who will be suspended) and Tom Chamberlain. They did lose Jason Walker to Ostersunds BK in Sweden and also Jamie Reed to Chester FC but I think they have enough there when all are available to get goals.
I'm sure Yorkie the lion (who takes it up the arse) will be gutted about missing out on the trip to Plainmoor as large carnivorous animals aren't permitted on the supporters coach but I reckon good old Trigger might be making the trip. Is he still alive Yorkies?
If you hear an odd noise coming from the away end, a kind of series of animal noises and bird shrieks then that will be Trig. He is a York fans legend and although I don't know him personally (he's probably a really nice bloke) he is possibly the kind of bloke who you avert your eyes from when you see him getting on a bus.
That always happens to me you know, I must be the sort of bloke who just attracts weirdo's. Maybe because I am one myself who knows? I find the place you are most likely to attract an oddball is on a railway station platform. It can be real freak-fest at times. Buses are prime spots for being targeted by a nutter. We've all been there i'm sure. The weird thing for me is that i'm not so much bothered by the drunken freak that comes and takes a seat next to me when half of the bus/train is empty. I can now deal with that. No, it's the fact that if you put up with it you now become the focus of entertainment, mirth and merriement for the rest of the passenegers as they breathe a sigh of relief and settle down to watch the show. The show being, you having to fend off this headcase for the remainder of the journey!
Even weirder than that is that you try and do it by making small talk because you don't want to offend him!! It's us that are mental not them!!
Just tell them to go and sit somewhere else politely and if they still persist then put their f*cking head through the window. It really is that simple. My tactic now is just to get up and go and sit somewhere else and hope they get the message that their behaviour is bloody odd. I'm not saying Trigger is anything like this, what I do know is that he is dedicated York supporter. Can I also apologise in advance for any of you who complained to ASDA about the 'mental patient' Halloween costume and who take offence at my apparent bashing of people with mental health issues. I've been in the system for 15 years to varying degrees so i'm effectively taking the p*ss out of myself.
If I had the choice of sitting next to a person with mild mental health issues (serious ones would mean they wouldn't be on a bus in the first place unless they were under the jurisdiction of the Doncaster NHS Trust and then we've all got problems) or sitting next to drunken old bloke with no manners or a drunken / stoned chav or even chav twins then I would be perfectly happy giving 10 minutes of my life talking to the one who is struggling with life through no fault of their own. The others can just go and live on a massive island, grunt at each other, watch Jeremy Kyle and perhaps make their own reality tv show called, 'I HAVE EVOLVED - GET ME OUT OF HERE' .
Basically what happens is that all these unicellular organisms that think driving around a town centre at night in a f*cked Subaru with blacked out windows and rap bullsh*t blurting out is somehow acceptable get rounded up and dumped on a massive uninhabited island to fend for themselves. Obviously this is an alien concept to them having had the Government giving them free money all their lives and in return they go and make everyone's lives a misery. The aim is to eliminate all wasters who don't benefit society in anyway by a series of challenges and the survivors will have done so because they have evolved into humans and can be re-introduced to society with not a stripey top or wonky baseball cap to be worn again! HOORAY!!
As it is a show not meant to be funny it will be hosted by Keith Lemon. :rules:
There will be 'fight offs' where the two losers with the lowest IQ of those on the island have to fight to the bitter end armed with yucca plants in a huge off licence and the winner gets to take a few bottles of their choice as a reward. Just like in their real lives. (but minus the yucca).
There will also be 'battle re-enactments' where thousands are rounded up, split into two armies, given bricks, baseball bats and Staffies and allowed to recreate famous battles of past history. The audience then have to guess which battle they are trying to re-create and they can be in with a chance of winning a free neutering voucher for their Fila Brazilieros. A banned dog they only got hold of because they heard some geezer in the pub was knocking out some dodgy Fila's. Sadly these neutering vouchers won't ever be used.
As you know I've worked in animal welfare for a number of years and I remember once asking a lady (she sounded a bit simple) if her dog had been neutered and she said, "yes, she's had all her jabs"!! Jesus, I hope she isn't a nurse otherwise if you think i'm going in for the flu vaccination with her you can f*ck off!! Oh and just a random quip, one woman rang up and said that she had found a snail in her garden and asked what she should do with it! No sh*t. That happened. Often working for the UK's largest animal charity puts you at the wrong end of ridiculous calls that could only be compared to ones on those 999 tv shows about stupid calls. Humanity can be really quite staggering at times.
Anyway, as this is a home game there will be no insights into the delights of Eboracum or Jorvik depending on your persuasion and this thread is relatively giggle free. There will be no ticket and travel details or no memories thread.
BUT...................................................................................................
THERE WILL BE THIS!!
An Ode to Manish
It's 11 o'clock on Saturday night and i'm starting to feel tired
I've drank 8 pints, ate a cottage pie and the day has nearly expired
I've watched West Brom and I've watched Man U and also Norwich City
Now it's our turn now to show the world our football is so pretty
So p*ss off Gary and you Premiership whores, go home and count your money
As wearing flash clothes and talking boll*cks really is not funny
So on comes Manish and Leroy too to talk about league 2
But we have to wait another few hours until they f*cking do!
They begin with Derby, Blackpool too and also dirty Leeds
Then discuss their problems club by club oh how my f*cking heart bleeds
Sod the chat it's half past 12 so just show us the f*cking goals
Then we can watch Torquay and go to bed and rest our weary souls.
Last week we hit 4 in a game with 6 so we thought we would be first
But we all know as Torquay fans that we are somehow all cursed
Time flew by and I fell asleep but at least I missed the Greeks
They came from a goal behind last week to win against the Fleets
Plymouth too were ahead of us and their game was nil - nil!!
It's a good job I had dropped to sleep or I would have felt quite ill
But now it's all good Manish that you always put us on last
As now I can watch the Torquay game whilst having my breakfast!!
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Sorry about the crap thread all. Wycombe is our next away game so I can hopefully write a bit more then.
I'm going for a 1-1 draw in this game and I have a strong feeling that Jarvo will score against us. I don't think we will win which is sad as York aren't a great side and have got off to an indifferent start like ourselves but a defeat would get some alarm bells ringing I reckon. I hope we don't feel the red heat on Saturday.
Hope the York lads have a safe trip down and a good day out, I've sat with you on many occasions and enjoyed your company during my brief stint as an 'unofficial' York fan and I know the city and area like the back of my hand having been brought up in part around there. I've spent many a day in the David Longhurst and I just feel sorry for you that you can't sing the song about shooting the Scarborough scum anymore as the old seadogs are now a new phoenix club.
Hope all the Gulls get behind the lads and enjoy the game too and if we attack from the off then we win the game! COYY!!!!
By the way, there is no filth video of Carol Vorderman here - just teasing!
In addition, bizarrely I have included the titles of 6 Arnold Schwarznegger films in the thread so if you can be arsed then they are in there. Don't know why I did that.
Yorkshire born and Tetley bitter nah nah nah nah nah nah nah!
