Swindon Town v Torquay United - 6/8/13 - Cup

AustrianAndyGull · Post by **AustrianAndyGull** » 03 Aug 2013, 22:56

It would appear that Wiltshire is the hub of Britain's very own X Files. A mysterious county of crop and stone circles, Neolithic burial chambers, henges and monuments, odd shaped man made hills that look like that famous bra Madonna wore and UFO sightings aplenty. I went to West Kennet Long Barrow once and had to walk 2 miles through muddy fields to get to an old tent made with rocks. Loads of point in that, do I look like I exercise for enjoyment? I was expecting some erotic art or at least a f*cking ice cream van! Anyway, whilst I was there I noticed lots of things scattered around that may have indicated some pagans had had a party one evening.

There were burnt offerings and little trinkets left and allsorts and whilst I am all in favour of the alternative lifestyle, they really need to take their f*cking litter home with them, including the poultry carcasses. It's like that near me, a few miles from where I live there is a place near Bakewell on a moor called Nine Ladies stone circle and whenever I go for a wander up there I always come across all this sh*te left by new age devotees. It's littering of the highest order and someone needs to tell them that creating fire hazards on moorland by cremating livestock whilst morris dancing and listening to the Doors is not f*cking acceptable but to then leave bottles, cans, recreational narcotics paraphernalia and makeshift deities constructed from rocks, tree branches and wild animals body parts too is just taking the mess. The Doors?!! Jesus, there's nothing supernatural about them, they were just sh*te! Try Wolves In The Throne Room, eclectic black metal from the American underworld, give them a listen and then we're talking.

Anyway, I don't understand religion. If my hand was forced i'd be a vegetarian Pagan with a penchant for tidiness so if I was having a festival i'd sacrifice a load of beetroot to get the blood effect and cleanse it too (double bonus!) take my disinfectant wipes and mini hoover and i'd also confiscate all drugs as their use at such events is so predictable and unnecessary that it's pretty uninspiring.

I can't help thinking that if aliens landed anywhere near Swindon then they would be confused into thinking that it wasn't Earth they had hit after all but perhaps some undiscovered new planet where the ordinary flourishes and circles rule, not the crop circles in the glorious Wiltshire countryside but concrete circles. One in particular, the magic roundabout.

Whoever designed this is living on another friggin' planet man. Jesus have you seen it? I'm sure many of you have successfully navigated it whilst visiting the County Ground before and if so top marks but it's just ridiculous. Even Dougal and Zebedee would struggle with it and Mr McHenry on his tricycle is an accident waiting to happen!

Says it all about Swindon really when the highlight is a 5 island roundabout, I mean the tourist board even encourage us on their website to 'book a break in Swindon'. Why?
There's p*ss all there apart from a football team who spent money they didn't have two seasons ago trying to gain promotion including over half a million pounds on agents fees, three times higher than any other league 2 club at the time. The Paolo Di Canio effect I think it was called. I t would be interesting to see how much of an effect he would have had with no f*cking money like the rest of us in league 2. Doubt he'd even taken the job. All mouth.

Anyway, Swindon Town are our opponents for this Capital One Cup 1st Round tie at the County Ground and they will be looking to kick start their season after suffering a 1-0 defeat at Posh in their first league game. Last time we met at their place we lost 2-0 in league 2 the season before last.

They have struggled to bring players in taking 6 players from Tottenham, midfielders Ryan Mason, Aussie U-20 Massimo Luongo and Alex Pritchard as well as defenders Grant Hall, Nathan Byrne and Jack Bartham. They have also signed Ryan Harley from Brighton and Tyrell Belford the ex- Liverpool keeper. Losses include Adam Rooney who has signed for Oldham after a bizarre contract dispute with the Robins, Raffaele Da Vita has signed for Bradford City, Simon Ferry has been released as has Joe Devera and James Collins has gone to Hibs for £200k.

In short, there is no need to be afraid of the enormity of the possible, IMO it is probable that we will beat Swindon in this game. We are due it, we have had poor league cup campaigns recently and this is the time. I know it is, I asked my sacrificial pheasant at a docks and frocks party one night and he agrees with the man from del monte. He say YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They have a squad not to fear, we can go there and do the business this time.

I've never actually been to Swindon as whenever I have considered going it has always been an evening kick off meaning a 3 hour- ish drive home after the game which i'm not prepared to do for a night game but I am assured that for such an esteemed club and one that was in the top flight not too long ago it is a total hovel and the stewards are complete phalli. I can't get to this game either despite my best efforts and so i'll be keeping tabs on the score. Tickets are a tenner so I suppose I have to credit STFC for something even though they charged nearly £25 for our league 2 fixture there a few years back but it's an uninviting fixture which i'm not sure will see a healthy Gulls turnout.

The ref is Andy D'Urso who is blatantly sh*t with assistants Stephen Finch, doesn't specify what species of finch he is though but rest assured he is a very capable passerine seed eating official. Adrian Gillet is the other assistant and let's hope he's the best a man can get. The 4th official is Richard Martin, another species of bird.

This thread is very rushed as I won't get time tomorrow and from Monday onwards i'm working on the Morecambe thread which should hit the dizzy heights so apologies if you don't get much enjoyment from this, it really is a means to an end this thread as i'm seriously short on time.

I hope as many Gulls as possible can make this game and I am actually very confident we'll beat them, don't know why but we will. I'm going for a 2-1 win.

chunkygull · Post by **chunkygull** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:01

well he's done it again folks.

i wondered why andy had been so quiet all night, now we know what he's been up to.

well done again andy. brilliant. so glad you changed your mind and are continuing your matchday threads.

like others have said ignore those that whinge, whine and moan. you carry on fella. excellent.

two thumbs up.

Post by **Southampton Gull** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:10

****!ng quality mate.

supergulls · Post by **supergulls** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:25

Proper funny ... But I do worry about your mental state lol

AustrianAndyGull · Post by **AustrianAndyGull** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:26

supergulls wrote:Proper funny ... But I do worry about your mental state lol

So do I mate, so do I.

Post by **Southampton Gull** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:26

supergulls wrote:Proper funny ... But I do worry about your mental state lol

He's Austrian..................

AustrianAndyGull · Post by **AustrianAndyGull** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:29

I know, and proud but i'll stop short of starting world wars, incarcerating hidden offspring in basements and making embarrassing 80's action movies. :~D

AustrianAndyGull · Post by **AustrianAndyGull** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:36

For what it's worth though, in terms of belief systems the Pagans, if they believe in the elements, the earth and everything solar then i'm 100% with them. Makes sense to me.

gullno4 · Post by **gullno4** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:39

great thread andy, as per! as for the game, think we'll lose 0-2.

Post by **Dave** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:42

Quailty Andy as normal..

AustrianAndyGull · Post by **AustrianAndyGull** » 03 Aug 2013, 23:53

I must also take this opportunity to apologise to any practising pagans for any offence caused. I fully respect your religion and my quips were just a tongue in cheek observation of stereotypical viewpoints to your faith. If it is any comfort I personally feel much more at ease with your beliefs than most other common belief systems although I respect all religions. I feel i'm getting bogged down now so i'll shut up.

lucy6lucy · Post by **lucy6lucy** » 04 Aug 2013, 08:24

Quality. My only concern is that if the aliens are confused about Swindon being part of earth, WTF will they think about Accrington.

ggggg · Post by **ggggg** » 04 Aug 2013, 08:53

I really don`t see why the Doom Merchants don`t start slagging our performance off against Swindon before we even play the game! Hell why let the game get in the way of such overwhelming negativity! They may as well copy and paste their views from the last game or the game before that or any game come to think of it, it`s always the sh1te rehashed! Which smiley represents despair?

brucie · Post by **brucie** » 04 Aug 2013, 09:01

Judging on what I saw yesterday I woud predict a fearful hammering in this game.

tktufc91 · Post by **tktufc91** » 04 Aug 2013, 10:14

Andy, once again, brilliant post.

As for the game, I'm expecting us to lose and won't be too disheartened if we do. As long as the lads give it a go then that will make me happy.

Our record in this competition is crap anyway so no panicking from me if we lose.

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