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His Royal Highness:
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here's a joke for you.

FIFA.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30037729

So they're doing English history in a Dublin school, and the teacher asks if anyone knows who Robin Hoods girlfriend was.
" I know, I know" says little Seamus loudly' "it was Trudy Glen"
"No no bejabus" says the teacher, "it was Maid Marian"
"But Miss, Miss, what about the song then?" replies Seamus
"What song" says his teacher
"Robin Hood, Robin hood, ridin' Trudy Glen..........."

The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.

Little Gemma at the back of the class put her hand up and asks the teacher, "Are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you're getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag at the seaside..."

A selection of gravestone engravings:
In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread,
and the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
and the Devil sent him Anna.
===============================
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon him for not rising.
===============================
In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
==================================
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls ,
Vermont :
Here lies the body of our Anna,
done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
but the skin of the thing that made her go.
==================================
In a cemetery somewhere in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
as you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so you shall be,
remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent,
until I know which way you went!

Well, I've tried to revive the thread
But Gullscorer raised his unfunny head
No matter what I've done or said
There's no doubt now this thread is dead. :slap:

R.I.P.

(And to leave on a theme)
Robin Hood is on his deathbed. He calls to Little John.
"John, death approaches, there is no turning back. Please bring me my favourite bow"
So little John gets Robins favourite bow and hands it to him.
"Now, Allen'a'Dale, will you bring me my favourite arrow?"
Allen brings Robin his best arrow, straight and true.
"Wherever this arrow lands is where I want to be buried......."
Siiiifffffffffff!!!!!!!!














It landed on the wardrobe........................... :Oops:

All right, try this: How to respond to spam text messages:

http://www.mandatory.com/2014/10/02/the ... than-this/

=D


Next up: How to respond to occasional unfunny bad-taste Gullscorer-obsessed joke posters..

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out "Perhaps you should hear how all this came about..."

"I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge.

She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you had discarded because they had gone out of style.

She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the colour didn't suit you.

Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were perfectly good, but too small for you now.

Then just as she was about to leave, she asked, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore ?

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

A skeleton walks into a bar and says: "Gimme a beer and a mop."

Q. What do you call a fat prostitute floating in space.
.
.
.
.

A. A meaty whore.

Floyd unforgettable:
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Of historical interest: a 200-year-old joke:

In the course of a certain battle a soldier whose leg had been shot off appealed to another soldier who was hurrying past to carry him to the rear, informing him at the same time of the loss which he had sustained; whereupon the generous son of Mars, shouldering the unfortunate, proceeded to carry out his desire.

The bullets and cannon-balls were flying in all directions, and presently one of the latter took the wounded man's head off— without, however, his deliverer being aware of it.

In no-long time he was hailed by an officer, who said: "Where are you going with that carcass?"
“To the rear, sir— he's lost his leg!"
"His leg, forsooth?" responded the astonished officer; "you mean his HEAD, you booby."

Whereupon the soldier dispossessed himself of his burden, and stood looking down upon it in great perplexity. At length he said: "It is true, sir, just as you have said."

Then after a pause he added, "But he TOLD me IT WAS HIS LEG—"

Heard this on the radio:

A young woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, and the barman gave her one..

Some American tourists went into an Irish pub. One of them said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think your great drinkers. I'll bet 5,000 euros that no-one here can drink 30 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."

The bar was silent and nobody took up the bet; the American even noticed one Irishman leaving. But 40 minutes later the Irishman returned and said "Hey Yank, is your wee bet still on?"

"Sure" said the American, "30 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of 5,000 Euros."

"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."

It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare. "OK Yank, pay up." said the Irishman..

"I'm happy to pay, here's your money," said the American, "But tell me, when I first offered the wager I saw you leave. Where did you go?'

The Irishman replied, "Well sir, 5,000 euros is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it."