Why, thank you T67. here's another from my vast collection -
A woman was standing in front of a mirror, desperately upset at her image. 'My boobs are saggy', she wailed to her husband. 'My skin is getting wrinkled, my knees are podgy and I really feel I am approaching middle age. Please tell me one positive thing, so that I can feel better about myself?'
'Well', replied the husband thoughtfully. 'At least you have perfect vision....'
Boom tshhhhhh. By the way, this is completely fictional and not based on a true story :Oops:
A man walks into a restaurant and says 'I think I'm a moth, can you help me?'
'Sorry, sir', replies the waiter, 'this is a restaurant, the surgery is next door. Why have you come in here?'
'Because the light was on.......'
Farmer in Yorkshire sees a bloke drinking from his stream and shouts, "Heyop cock, tha dun wanna b' drinkin watta from theer, it's full of hoss piss and cow shite. Yall get ill and die."
Bloke says, "I'm from Pakistan, can you speak clearly and slowly."
Farmer says, "OK. IF - YOU - USE - BOTH - HANDS - MY - FRIEND - YOU - WONT - SPILL - A - DROP."
Friend of TorquayFans.com Member of the Month November 2020 Southampton Gull: "Well deserved"
Jonathan Ross has been arrested and charged with shoplifting a kitchen utensil. When asked why a millionaire would steal such a cheap item he said it was a whisk he was prepared to take......................... :mrgreen:
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!
At the adult cinema a bloke noticed an attractive young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her miniskirt and playing with herself furiously. He moved to the seat next to her and offered his help. She welcomed it and his hands went to work furiously. When he grew tired and withdrew his hands, he vigorously wiped her odour into his full beard, then was surprised to see her go back to work on herself again with both hands.
“Wasn t I good enough ?†he said.
“Fantastic,†she said, “but these crabs are still itching.â€ÂÂ
Friend of TorquayFans.com Member of the Month November 2020 Southampton Gull: "Well deserved"