West Country Football

[Dave]

As the best poster on here, I'll consider it.

I down to your greatness...

[Dave]

I would have a go , however got three problems, don't have the time, can't spell, grammers awful...feel free to add to the list...

[Glostergull]

I would have a go , however got three problems, don't have the time, can't spell, grammers awful...feel free to add to the list...

Ah but you don't have three other problems. You don't have Orange Socks. You don't wear an orange t shirt and last but by no means least. You don't or have never driven an awfull orange car. oh and to really balance it. A fourth to make it an allround plus in balance. Your names not Ferrari Lover!

[Yellow4life]

Nothing to do with this thread but also relevant, is the unselfish dedication of the green

Too kind Matt!

I would be willing to add this article to the mobile app if it would be available in mobile format?

[ferrarilover]

Too kind Alan!

I would be willing to add this article to the mobile app if it would be available in mobile format?

Fixxored for jous!

Matt.

[OllieGull]

Hey I just wrote the first blog :Oops: I wondered if people could take a look and give any feedback? Please bare in mind the fact I am still in school so it may not be up to scratch, but hey why not write about something I love. Cheers. http://www.westcountry-football.co.uk/2 ... er-tufc-2/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[ferrarilover]

Have had a read, in the interests of education, I'll dissect it later. Lube up Ollie. :K

Matt.

[OllieGull]

Have had a read, in the interests of education, I'll dissect it later. Lube up Ollie. :K

Matt.

Haha cheers, it's not very in depth as I just wanted to get something out quickly but I plan to have more in depth views on things in the future. ^.^

[cambgull]

I'll see how scathing it is, if Matt's review is too insulting, I'll dig up his blogs and 'review' them!

[ferrarilover]

Like I said,Camb, education. The content is fine, but sadly, kids these days are subjected to a load of old shite in the State "education" system and spend more time in "English" "lessons" **** ing about reciting Shakespeare, which is written in a language no longer spoken, and therefore, irrelevant (if it was written in Latin, yet another language no one speaks, it would be decried as a waste of time, Olde English is just the same) or going deep in depth as to why the girl in 'Of Mice and Men' wearing a red dress is in some way significant to modern societal obsession with breasts in advertising, which is clearly isn't. Steinbeck wrote the initial sentence "She wore a dress, long and flowing", then realised that he needed another adjective, so decided the long, flowing dress would be red, nothing more, nothing less.

With a week to go before Torquay’s clash with Championship side Leicester City, do Torquay have a good chance of progressing this round? Well it looks very 50:50 of which way it could go, for various reasons…

Repetition of 'Torquay', read it aloud and it sounds clunky. Second Torquay amended to 'The Gulls', or, if the reader is unlikely to understand this (since it's a Westcountry football site, and you're writing for TUFC, it should be obvious, but this is for the future), then a simple geographical reference could be substituted; 'The team from the English Riviera' for example.

One cannot progress a round, one may progress beyond a round. This deletion of key words seems to be a Devonshire thing, I haven't come across it anywhere else.

Of course it looks 50:50, we either will or we won't :~D (Jimmy Carr tells a similar joke about winning the lottery).

"for various reasons" - I'd prefer 'for a variety of reasons', it just reads better (I'm sure there is some complex grammatical ruling behind this, but I am not at all sure what it might be).

For starters, the positives. Leicester are a big club and were delighted with the draw against opposition 2 leagues below them, because of this they are likely to have high confidence, however they are likely to field a weaker team which is a bonus for us. Following a recent draw against a very strong Stoke XI, Torquay are more than capable of winning against Leicester, similarly the fact the side could be weaker could be an extra advantage in how Torquay overcome this match.

(On a non-English based point, how the hell is Leicester being a big club, two divisions above us a positive?!?! =Z )

A League is made up of a number of Divisions. We are two Divisions below Leicester. However, those Divisions are erroneously named League One and League Two.

One cannot 'have' high confidence, because confidence is not something which one may possess physically. To 'have' something, even something medical, such as heart failure, or a brain tumour, requires physical possession of the problem. Leicester are likely to be highly confident.

We've repeated 'likely'.

There is a particular rule with 'however'. It always starts a new sentence and it's always followed by a comma. There are times when, for specific effect, this rule is manipulated, but this isn't one of them.

'Weaker', weaker than what? The tea you had with breakfast? Mariusz Pudzianowski's left anterior bicep? This needs qualifying so the reader has some idea of what you mean. "Weaker side than in their first League match" for example.

" the fact the side could be weaker" - You have mentioned three 'sides' in the proceeding sentence, which makes "the side" a reflexive pronoun. RP are mind numbingly tedious to explain, but basically, it needs to be absolutely clear to which 'side' you are referring. The Wiki page is very convoluted, but I remember I did look up RP (when I didn't understand what they were) via Google.

As already stated, recently Torquay had a very encouraging result against a very resilient Stoke City side. This side featured big names such as: Peter Crouch, Matthew Etherington, Ryan Shawcross and various others. The first half was mainly in Stoke’s control however with pressure from both sides, the second half saw Torquay upset the odds and play extremely well, well enough which could help the cruise past a weak Leicester side.

"As already stated" - Then why are you stating it again? 'The result of the aforementioned match versus Stoke City was very encouraging'

"This side" is another reflexive pronoun, since it could be either Torquay or Stoke for whom Crouch etc were playing.

I'm a massive fan of 'et al'. It's Latin and means 'and others'. It's use at the end of a list to make unspecific reference to other parties concerned is perfectly legitimate. Here, we would assume the reader has a knowledge of the Stoke side (being a football fan and all), we could say, "Stoke brought their big names; Crouch, Etherington, Shawcross, et al." There's nothing wrong with what you've written anyway, just another string to your bow.

"well enough which could help the cruise past a weak Leicester side" - Assuming this is a proof reading fail, since it doesn't make any kind of sense :rules:

Stoke are renowned for being very hard to break down, also their attacking style is hard to defend against with pace down the wings, and a big poacher in the middle, it can be a challenge for any team. However, Torquay managed to defend extremely well with Stoke only scoring 1 goal in the first half, plus the fact it was a deflection. In the second half Torquay got the equalizer with impact sub Billy Bodin, the winger came on and lit the game up causing constant trouble for the Stoke full back. However it was the 78th minute when a piece of trickery enabled Bodin to cut inside and drive the ball into the back of the net from 20 yards. Bodin is a game changer which brings me onto the final point.

'Also' is used to link a clause to a subordinate clause, one of lesser value. Here, your intention is to address both clauses equally (their being hard to break down and their attacking prowess), so we use the word 'and'.

'and' is a conjunctive, it links parts of a sentence. A comma is a separator, it divides parts of a sentence. To have the two together is an abomination to God. Their use is dichotomous, they can never appear together, it's either a comma, or the word 'and'.

'it can be a challenge...' - What can be a challenge?

The second sentence is written as it would be spoken, and that is never a good thing (I've broken my own rule, but that's because this is a badly written sentence). The beauty of the computer is that if you forget a detail, it can be added later without penalty. So, 'Stoke scored just one, deflected, goal and it came at the end of the first half'. Nuoto Bene (the root of the abbreviation N.B., it's Latin [and Italian] for 'note well'), the commas around the word 'deflected' are important, since without them, it is unclear as to whether one goal was scored and it was deflected, or whether many goals were scored, but only one was deflected.

'Equalizer' - In the settings for your Microsoft Word spell checker, change the default language from English (US) to English (UK).

'lit the game up' - YAAAAY, my favourite, a split infinitive. 'Lit up the game'. Clauses in a sentence must be kept together, sometimes to the point of absurdity. 'To light up' and 'the game' are entirely separate clauses in the sentence, so they much not interweave with one another. Another example: 'Sally, who I'm going to the party with' - Here we have two clauses 'with who' and going to the party'. You see that they are completely separate entities, Sally and the party and not one thing, they are two clearly distinct things.. Sally and the party are linked in this sentence by the writer, who is attending the party with Sally. Thus, to keep the clauses separate, we would say 'Sally, with whom I am going to the party'. The first half 'Sally, with whom' related entirely to Sally and the second half 'I am going to the party' relates entirely to the party. (In a more advanced lesson, we learn that there are three clauses and that one of them is the writer, but occasions where that becomes a problem are so rare that we needn't worry just yet).

'onto' - There is much debate about the correct usage of the conjoined version of these two words, the OED has no strict rules. Provided you're consistent in a piece, you should be ok.

(you're right about the goal though, it was a special effort, right in front of me. He didn't just cut inside, he nutmegged the Stoke defender and it was nearer 25 yards than 20. Really special goal.)

Finally, “the game changer” Billy Bodin. Bodin has shown signs of absolute brilliance bullying both Leeds’ and Stoke’s defences in their respective games. So surely he will be able to bully Leicester’s defence for the Capital One game? Sadly not, Bodin has been called up to the Wales U-21 squad for a qualifying match against Armenia, this is quite a big blow to the Torquay team as it could mean they don’t have that extra spark which could turn “that chance” into the game winner. Luckily we still have Lloyd Macklin, the quick paced winger who causes trouble for any fullback, and Danny Stevens a very technically gifted player, these two should happily take care of the wings.

So I was once told, putting quotation marks around colloquialisms makes one come across as an ass. I'm happy with being a pompous, middle class ****, so I do it anyway. I suspect you're less happy with this. We have already had the phrase 'game changer', without quotation marks, in the piece, so the reader has either accepted it, or stopped reading. If you're going to do it, do it consistently throughout. Another accepted method is to use quotation marks first time, and henceforth treat the colloquialism as a proper noun, capitalising the first letter of each word. Which is the three options you choose will be based upon the audience, the formality of the writing, the style of the piece and, to some extent, your personal preference. None is wrong, necessarily, but for formal work (at school or in a real job), I'd avoid the proper noun option, since it's used most often in irreverent, lightly comical journalism (Top Gear magazine, for example).

Need a full stop after 'Armenia'.

'quick paced', not quite right. Quick or pacey on their own, fine. Together, no. (see my comments at the end).


All in, perfectly fine, aside from the proof read fail sentence which isn't really a sentence at all. I'd suggest that you have the makings of a perfectly decent writer. Initially, I'd keep on plugging away, trying each time to apply the rules we have demonstrated here and generally improving your prose and finding your own style. Once you know the rules well enough to write absolutely correctly (or as close to as anyone can reasonably come), then you can start playing around with sentence structure and word order and tailor your writing to fit a purpose.

For now, I'd look at doing two things. Firstly, try to have a little fun with vocabulary, don't go overboard, but pick a couple of adjectives per paragraph and see if you can find better alternatives. Something long and flash, or something pithy and clever or even something completely inappropriate which just seems funny. Secondly, I'd take to reading. Read things written by those who really know how to use language.
Boris Johnson will teach you lots of new words (if he still has a column in GQ, read that)
Jeremy Clarkson will teach you about word order and the effect of a preposterous analogy or description (either Top Gear, or the Times, if you can get past the paywall)
Victoria Coren writes absolutely beautifully - http://www.victoriacoren.com/main/blog" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Stephen Fry because, well, why wouldn't you? - http://www.stephenfry.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Last on the list, and more hard core, has to be Charles Dickens. Get any book and just read. A Christmas Carol (I HATE Christmas) is a good place to start. Marley was dead... The way Dickens uses words, the way he puts them together in impossible orders and combinations, yet creates majestic sentences line after line is absolutely the pinnacle of human literary achievement. To emulate him is to achieve true greatness. Many have tried, an equal number have failed. You, my son, could be about to change that...

Matt.

[sonofwod]

This is great. As patronising as it is riddled with errors.

I suggest you research how to use apostrophes correctly; "it's use at the end of a list"??? Oh and while we're at it, a split infinitive would be if I had written "how to correctly use apostrophes", where 'correctly' splits the infinitive 'to use'.

Those are just two glaring errors I can be bothered to pick out.

Anyway, nobody is an expert in English grammar anymore, least of all you or I. What's important here is that a young lad, still in school, has made a very commendable effort at a blog and should be applauded for his efforts, rather than given an unnecessary "lesson", especially one that only flirts with constructive criticism. Well done OllieGull, good for you.

[OllieGull]

Haha, when you meant dissect, I had no idea... but thanks I guess? Also about the 'equaliser' bit, I knew it didn't feel right but just had to listen to the proof read checker, ah well. ^.^

[Dave]

Oh PC Matty poos of the grammer police, leave the poor lad alone

Not going to pretend I am an expert in grammer, clearly wouldn't get away with it, bored so I thought I would copy and paste your first sentence onto word, it would appear there is a grammer error in your first sentence.

nothing more, nothing less. Should be...nothing more, and nothing less.

Your second sentence had a couple of small errors in it aswell. Now on to your third, that was littered with green lines aswell as I am sure the rest will be if I carried on, point is mate nobody is perfect.

Well done Ollie you put your neck on the block and had a go..

[Gullscorer]

Oh PC Matty poos of the grammer police, leave the poor lad alone

Not going to pretend I am an expert in grammer, clearly wouldn't get away with it, bored so I thought I would copy and paste your first sentence onto word, it would appear there is a grammer error in your first sentence.

nothing more, nothing less. Should be...nothing more, and nothing less.

Your second sentence had a couple of small errors in it aswell. Now on to your third, that was littered with green lines aswell as I am sure the rest will be if I carried on, point is mate nobody is perfect.

Well done Ollie you put your neck on the block and had a go..

As you say...!

Anyway, what some people forget is that, when expressing themselves in English or in any other language, communication and understanding will be improved if they express themselves clearly and concisely...

[Rifty]

uh?

at ferrarilover....yawn.

at ollie...nice effort.