Search found 1037 matches
- 07 Mar 2020, 09:02
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
My flat mate reckons our house is haunted , but I've lived here 300 years and never noticed anything.....
- 17 Feb 2020, 19:27
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
Terrible weather conditions today, I've just visited my 80 year old neighbour to ask if she needed anything from the shop.
Turns out she did, so I've given her my list too, no point in both of us going out in this weather.
Turns out she did, so I've given her my list too, no point in both of us going out in this weather.
- 17 Feb 2020, 19:24
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
I came out of Asda earlier and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She’d lost all her holiday money that she’d been saving for months.
I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50...... I don’t usually do that kind of thing but I’d just found £2000 in the car park.
I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50...... I don’t usually do that kind of thing but I’d just found £2000 in the car park.
- 17 Feb 2020, 19:18
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
I went into a pub and told this guy that my wife was about to give birth any day.
He said "that's nice, what are you having?"
I said "A pint of John Smiths please"
He said "that's nice, what are you having?"
I said "A pint of John Smiths please"
- 17 Feb 2020, 19:15
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was "Remember, it's worth spending money on a good set of speakers..."
Many by his bedside had puzzled looks on their faces, but to be honest, I actually thought it was sound advice.... =D
Many by his bedside had puzzled looks on their faces, but to be honest, I actually thought it was sound advice.... =D
- 17 Feb 2020, 19:14
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
Son : I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at School
Father : What's that?
Son: It's a big building with lots of kids.
Father : What's that?
Son: It's a big building with lots of kids.
- 17 Feb 2020, 19:13
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
I once missed a hairdressing appointment where I was going to get my hair cut short on top and at the front, and left long at the back.
Dodged a mullet there.
Dodged a mullet there.
- 17 Feb 2020, 19:08
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.
"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.
"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.
"I'll be Bach." said Arnie...
"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.
"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.
"I'll be Bach." said Arnie...
- 17 Feb 2020, 19:01
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
If someone makes their fortune in ships/tankers, we call him a shipping magnate....
If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate....
What do you call someone who makes there fortune selling fridges?
If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate....
What do you call someone who makes there fortune selling fridges?
- 19 Jan 2020, 10:37
- Forum: Matchday Topics
- Topic: AFC Fylde vs Torquay United 18/01/20
- Replies: 71
- Views: 32634
Re: AFC Fylde vs Torquay United 18/01/20
I went with the Time Bandit yesterday and thought the performance was decent tbh. OK they're no great shakes (albeit they have this strange delusion that they're going to be a league club by 2022) but Torquay dominated the first half and could have had three or four (their goal was much against the run of play).
Bit squeaky bum after they got their second but ultimately a deserved win.
Just a point both me and my mate have spotted, why doesn't Reid actually challenge for the ball? Been to 3 matches this season, and although on the whole he played well yesterday and was excellent when in possession, he just makes no effort at all in any 50/50 stuff, and doesn't challenge anything aerial whatsoever.
Is he scared of getting hurt? Even if he's not the best in the air the least he could do is make a nuisance of himself. :-|
(On the whole very enjoyable day, lovely little club with big ambitions, very nice new shiny ground, good luck to them)
Bit squeaky bum after they got their second but ultimately a deserved win.
Just a point both me and my mate have spotted, why doesn't Reid actually challenge for the ball? Been to 3 matches this season, and although on the whole he played well yesterday and was excellent when in possession, he just makes no effort at all in any 50/50 stuff, and doesn't challenge anything aerial whatsoever.
Is he scared of getting hurt? Even if he's not the best in the air the least he could do is make a nuisance of himself. :-|
(On the whole very enjoyable day, lovely little club with big ambitions, very nice new shiny ground, good luck to them)
- 09 Jan 2020, 21:37
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
An acquaintance of mine pulled out a photo of his wife and said "she's beautiful isn't she".
" if you think she's beautiful you should see my missus mate", I replied
"Why is she a stunner?" he asked
" No mate, she's an optician" :-o
" if you think she's beautiful you should see my missus mate", I replied
"Why is she a stunner?" he asked
" No mate, she's an optician" :-o
- 23 Dec 2019, 10:52
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
Think I might’ve been targeted by a scam phone call the other day. The message said I’ve won a competition and the prize is either £100 or tickets to see an Elvis tribute act. It said to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.
- 23 Dec 2019, 10:51
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.
The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Aye, hods, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle."
The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK,...... so how many sales did you make today?"
The Geordie said "Just the one, Marra." The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for? £124,237.64" replied the Geordie.
The manager choked and exclaimed £124,237.64, what the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, forst I selt him a smaal fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I selt him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was gannin' fishing and he said doon at the coast, so I telt him he would need a boat, so we went doon tiv the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him doon tiv the car sales and I selt him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?"
"Nah, nah......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his ladyfriend and I said.........
'Well, since ya weekend's fizzed, you might as well gan fishing."
The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Aye, hods, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle."
The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK,...... so how many sales did you make today?"
The Geordie said "Just the one, Marra." The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for? £124,237.64" replied the Geordie.
The manager choked and exclaimed £124,237.64, what the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, forst I selt him a smaal fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I selt him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was gannin' fishing and he said doon at the coast, so I telt him he would need a boat, so we went doon tiv the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him doon tiv the car sales and I selt him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?"
"Nah, nah......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his ladyfriend and I said.........
'Well, since ya weekend's fizzed, you might as well gan fishing."
- 28 Oct 2019, 11:43
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
Mrs Beard crashed her car this morning.........
When the Police came she said the other bloke involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.
The Police advised her the bloke was entitled to do what he wanted in his own conservatory.
When the Police came she said the other bloke involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.
The Police advised her the bloke was entitled to do what he wanted in his own conservatory.
- 27 Oct 2019, 16:29
- Forum: Off Topic
- Topic: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
- Replies: 836
- Views: 215976
FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips
My Grandad was a baker for the army....
When he went to war, he went in all buns glazing.
When he went to war, he went in all buns glazing.