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Apparently, the most popular Christmas toy this year is a talking Muslim doll.

However, no one knows what is says as no one has the b*llocks to pull the cord.

Best letter so far sent to Santa :

Dear Santa

Please can you send lots and lots of clothes for all the naked children on Daddy's computer.

Need your advice.

Been offered eight legs of venison for £40.

Is that too deer ?

A woman goes into hospital for cosmetic surgery on her vaginal orifice. When she comes around after the operation, there s a big bunch of flowers and a card on the bedside table from a patient in the burns unit. Inside the card it said :


“Thank you for your donation, my new ears look fantastic.”

Irish bloke walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. "Where did you get that from?" says the landlord.
"Dublin, theres fookin' thousands of them" replies the parrot!

One of my mates joined a theatre group, but he was raped by the entire mime troup.





They did unspeakable things to him...............

A mate of mine was having sex with his new girlfriend, and he noticed a photo of a bloke on the bedside table.
"Who's that, your ex husband?" he asked.
"No" she replied
"Old boyfriend?"
"No no"
"Dad? Brother?"
"No no no"
"Well who the chuff is it then?" he finally demanded.
"Its me, twelve months ago!"

I made myself a snowman
As perfect as can be.
I thought I d keep it as a pet
So let it sleep with me.
I made it some pyjamas
And a pillow for its head.
Now the b*stard s vanished
And pissed the f*cking bed !

Merry Christmas

My mates been drinking brake fluid for 6 years but he says that he's not addicted. He reckons that he can stop at anytime he wants!

I was run over by a council snow plough this morning.


You bastard! i said through gritted teeth!!!

Because of all the snow and ice at the moment, the Government are worried about children playing on the roads. To scare them off, the Government will deploy a new machine.


It's called the Gary Gritter.

An Arab national is interviewed for a visa.



Consul : “Your name ?”

Arab : “Abu Zina.”

Consul : “Sex ?”

Arab : “Everyday.”

Consul : “I mean male or female ?”

Arab : “Don t matter, sometimes even camel.”

Consul : “Holy cow !”

Arab : “Yes, cow and donkey too.”

Consul : “Isn t that hostile ?”

Arab : “Hoss style, doggy style any style.”

Consul : “Oh dear.”

Arab : “No deer. Asshole too tight and run too fast.”

yellow wrote:

Oh yes, did enjoy that one and a timely reminder of how to keep my behaviour in order this Christmas.

You don't post as often yellow. I hope you are keeping well and your Christmas is peaceful, thoughtful and enjoyable.

Tis a goodun innit?

What with lack of games, lack of Buckspeak, and a satisfactory league position I am currently on a low profile Merse mode .

“Hurrah!” I hear them say...

Let us hope that the January transfer window doesn t change that. I would be very disappointed to lose any of our best young talent.

Seasonal whatnots to you too Trojan my old horse.