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EmetEdadsBeard
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FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

Post by EmetEdadsBeard » 15 Apr 2017, 18:24

Do you know what happened to the monk who tied his knob to the bell rope?






He got tolled off. :-/
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!

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EmetEdadsBeard
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Post by EmetEdadsBeard » 15 Apr 2017, 22:40

A mate of mine went away on business. He was in the hotel restaurant alone having a meal when he caught a glimpse of a rather attractive lady, also alone sitting having a drink.
Suddenly she started to cough, and her glass eye popped out, rolled along the table and bounced on the floor. My mate scooped it up, walked over to the lady and conspicuously handed it back to her, and she put it back in its place,
"Thank you" she said, "can I buy you a drink?" "Yes thank you " says my mate "can I join you for dinner?"
"Yes , please do" says the lady.
The evening goes on and they get on like a house on fire, drinks are flowing and eventually the lady asks him to join her in her room, where they spend the rest of the night.
The following morning my mate asks if he can see her again.
"Sorry" she replies " I cant, I'm married with kids".
"Oh, do you do this sort of thing a lot then?" asks my mate.
"No, never, I've never done that before" she replies.
"Oh , OK, but why me?" says my mate.
"Well" The lady replies.......







"You just caught my eye..........." :-/
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!

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EmetEdadsBeard
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Post by EmetEdadsBeard » 23 Apr 2017, 09:27

Quasimodo walks into a bar, strolls straight up to the barman and says "I"ll have a whiskey please.
The barman says "Bells alright"?
Quasi replies "Mind your own f**king business". :-/
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!


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Post by Gullscorer » 06 May 2017, 22:50

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a university graduate and an old Aborigine. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was "TIMBUKTU".

First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

"Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan,
Men on camels two by two,
destination - Timbuktu."

The crowd went crazy! No way could the old abbo top that, they thought. The old Aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

"Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two.
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

The old Aboriginal won.


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Post by Gullscorer » 19 May 2017, 12:24

Recently visited Thailand and went to the Kim Jong Un Korean restaurant, where they served disgusting meals and treated all the customers like shit. When I complained and asked why, I was told: 'this dog-eat-dog restaurant'..

Anyway, on the menu, they had: Chef's Special Sarin Sausage (meal-of-the-day), and Special Mushroom Salad (Nuclear Option). When I chose the nuclear option, I was told: 'Very sorry, Rocket not ready yet'..

So I said: 'Is the Sarin Sausage any good?' and was told: 'Nobody ever complained.'

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