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FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

Post by Glostergull » 25 Dec 2016, 20:07

Gullscoere. That Joke is so old its mouldy.
here is one of my own.

3 wise men decide to visit the messiah soon to be born. but they can't work out how to get there. one suggest trying to go in a camper van. Miy shack. Your shack and a Bungalow all in one
Always Look on the bright side of life

Check out my poems topic... http://www.torquayfans.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=4843


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Post by Gullscorer » 26 Dec 2016, 08:28

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor told them that they were physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair. His wife asked, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen for a drink," he replied.
She asked, " Will you get me piece of cake?"
The husband said, "Sure."
She gently reminded him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you don't forget it?"
He said, "No, I can certainly remember that!"
Then the woman said, "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top. You'd better write it down because I know you'll forget it."
The man replied, "I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries."
She added, "I'd also like whipped cream on top. Now I'm certain you're gonna forget that, so you'd better write it down ok."
Irritated, he said, "I don't need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!"
He grumbled all the way into the kitchen.

After about 30 minutes the old man returned from the kitchen and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "Where's my toast?

Oops..!! I think I might already have posted that one. Or did I..?? :oops:


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EmetEdadsBeard
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Post by EmetEdadsBeard » 10 Jan 2017, 17:42

What do you call a cowboy from Barnsley?






Tex Piss :-/
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Post by Glostergull » 16 Jan 2017, 12:34

Gullscorer wrote:
02 Jan 2017, 23:19
Gerard Hoffnung: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZUJLO6lMhI
Ahhh good ole radio comedy. the best and one from the archives that gets the ole mind working again. bliss!
Always Look on the bright side of life

Check out my poems topic... http://www.torquayfans.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=4843

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Post by EmetEdadsBeard » 16 Jan 2017, 19:09

Why did the baker have brown hands ?

He kneaded a poo.. :-/
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!



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Post by S4fedr1ve » 20 Jan 2017, 15:15

Joke. Two statues facing each other for a 100 years . one a naked man one a naked woman. One day an angel comes down and brings them to life saying I will give you 30 mins to do what you've been dying to do for 100 years. The statues look at each other and happily run in to the bushes. 15 mins later they come out of bushes. The angel says you still have 15 mins left do you want to do it again. They happily say ok but the female statue says this time I will hold the pigeon down and it's your turn to shit all over it. 😀


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Post by Glostergull » 21 Jan 2017, 15:51

Hey Guys. I've written two books. The first one is worlds greatest Curries and their effects and the second one on Hurricanes and Tornadoes. I've just finished the first draught.
Always Look on the bright side of life

Check out my poems topic... http://www.torquayfans.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=4843


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Post by EmetEdadsBeard » 14 Feb 2017, 19:31

A mate of mine (who' s quite horrible towards his partner) turns to his lovely wife and says "Oi, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"

"Look! We're going fishing and that's final." says my mate.

"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!" responds his wife.

"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a bl*w job.... 3 or you take it up the a*se!" says my mate.

His wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"

"Listen, I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!" insists my mate.

His wife sits and thinks about it.

Twenty minutes later my mate comes back, "Well! What have you decided? Fishing, bl*w job, or ar*e?"

His wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a bl*w job!"

"Great!" He says and drops his keks.

His wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all.... shitty!"

"Yes!" says my mate "The dog didn't want to go fishing either." :Z
(Now that is funny!!!!!!!) :nod:
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!

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Post by EmetEdadsBeard » 18 Feb 2017, 19:54

A man is putting his young daughter to bed one night.
After kissing her and saying goodnight, the little girls says, "Daddy, I really wish I had a little sister".
Trying to be funny, the man says, Darling you do have a sister".
The confused little girl asks "I do"?
The man replies, "Sure, but you don't see her because when you are coming in the front door, she is always leaving through the back door".

The little girl thinks for a few moments and says...







"Oh, You mean like my other Daddy does"?
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!


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Post by S4fedr1ve » 20 Feb 2017, 19:26

Elderly man goes to the doctors. The waiting room is packed and the receptionist asks him what he needs to see the doctor for. "i have a problem with my c**k" he says loudly. The receptionist looks at him sternly telling him he can't say that in front of all these people. "well you asked " he replied "what was i supposed to say". Well next time just say its a problem with your ears or stomach. The man storms out and 5 minutes later returns. The receptionist again asks him why he needs to see the doctor. "i have a problem with my ear " he says. The receptionist feeling very smug with herself asks him what the problem is with his ear.at the top of his voice he says "i can't p**s out of it"

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Post by EmetEdadsBeard » 28 Feb 2017, 21:16

So I says to Mrs Beard, "lets go out to eat tonight."
She came back with the classic, "I have nothing to wear" reply.
So I said to her, "just wear what you had on the last time we went out, you looked beautiful."
So there we were in the local Italian restaurant, me in jeans and a nice shirt, and her in her wedding dress! :-/
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!

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