Torquay United Fans Forum

The family wheeled grandma out onto the lawn in her wheelchair where the activities to celebrate her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, so she wrote notes if she needed to communicate. After a short time grandma started leaning to the right, so some of the family gra...

There was a Look-A-Like contest held in China last week.
Every f*cker won!

Myself and the 'tache are hopefully going, although he's gone to Thieverpool for the night so I've arranged to pick him up. Bloody long way from Donny, but as the Bury match was PP and all Wednesdays home games were called off we haven't been to a game yet during the hols. May be bringing a couple o...

Happy New Year to you all. :scarf: :scarf: :scarf: As for letting people down Louis, yes I agree, and this apology is long overdue!!! Only kidding mate, from what I can remember it was out of your control but you've got us up and running again so well done to you and the other admins. Hereford tomor...

I went to a funeral yesterday with my new girlfriend. It was the first time I've met her family, f*ck me they're miserable b*st*rds.

Me and my missus had a blazing row earlier and I ended up giving her a clout. Half an hour later we ended up having the best, dirtiest sex ever!........
well I did, she's still unconcious..........................

A Geordie mate of mine picked up a prossy in Wigan. They agreed the price and she took him to her flat where the deed was to be done. He drops his keks. "Bye 'eck thats a rare Guddun" says the prossy "Whats a rare Guddun?" mate asks "It means a big one" she replies, and...

A mate of mine met a woman in a bar, they hit it off and she eventually goes back to his place. During the evening she notices three rows of teddy bears sat on shelves in his bedroom. Bottom shelf has small bears, middle shelf bigger bears and large bears on the top. Woman thinks he must be a sensit...

i went for my routine check up today, and it seemed to be going well until he put his index finger up my arse.


Do you think I should find a different dentist?

A mate of mines a taxi driver, and a woman got in and when she got home she lifts her skirt and says to him " I'm sorry, I haven't any money, can I pay you with this?"

"Fook me, haven't you anything smaller?" my mate replies.......... :mrgreen:

Last week I saw a poor old lady fall in the snow and lay unconcious.
Well I'm assuming she was poor she only had 86p in her purse.................

Thanks Trojan, and a Happy New Year to you all! :scarf: Though not a racist by any stretch of the imagination, I do know a lot of racist jokes which I've refrained from posting due to not knowing how the mods would feel about it (I know some people can get a bit touchy about certain subjects), but T...

women drivers uhmm. mrs SNW thinks that her car only has 3 forward gears and not 5....... :( :lol: i must say that women drivers seem to drive in the middle lane of a motorway when you can see that the inside lane is clear for 5 miles, but thats all im saying...... oh i forgot eldery women drivers ...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my readers. This thread must have been tailored especially for me, I can get it off my chest then laugh for the rest of the day! :win:

Oh I forgot' I really do hope the horrible kids i have to work with (not all of them, just the horrible ones) have a feckin miserable Christmas and get nowt, 'cos thats what a lot of 'em deserve. Im not really Scrooge , but some of the kids are vile and deserve little more than a kick in the scrotes...