FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

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Expand view Topic review: FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 18 Jan 2018, 16:48

Mrs Beard and I went to see the Red Arrows yesterday. There were gasps of oooh and ahhh as the crowd watched in amazement.

There was near miss after near miss and this had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.

It was a good half hour worth of entertainment, but in the end she finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show. :-o

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 13 Jan 2018, 18:35

Derek Adams the Gargs manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.

Two weeks later the Gargs are 2-0 down to Exeter with only 20 minutes left The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation. He scores 3 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for The Gargs . The fans are delighted, the players and the coach are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 2 - 0 down but I scored 3, they call it a hat-trick, and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the press, they all love me.'

'Just wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day

Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and assaulted, she would have been raped but for a passing police vehicle.

Your brother has joined a local gang of looters and set fire to some buildings and all while you tell me that you were having a great time!!'

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.'

Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his mum.

'It's your bloody fault we came to Plymouth in the first place! =D

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 13 Jan 2018, 12:47

Kids in schools around St James Park have had letters home, it states to the parents that because it is very cold at the moment they are advising parents picking children up from the gate to wear two pairs of pyjamas. :-/

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 21 Nov 2017, 18:05

I just buried an ancient woolly pachyderm.....................












it was a mammoth undertaking. :-/

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 18 Nov 2017, 10:49

The Magnificent Seven appeared in a series of adverts for aftershave, filmed at Anfield.

Only six of them took part though.





Because Yul never wore cologne. :rofl:

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 12 Nov 2017, 13:38

I've decided to sell all my Dogging equipment on E Bay.


Had no bids yet but there is nine people watching.......... :-o

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 05 Nov 2017, 17:31

A mate of mine saw a sign outside a house:

'Talking Dog For Sale'....

He rang the bell, the owner appeared and told him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

My mate goes into the garden and sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Can you really talk?" He asks the dog.

"Yes!" The Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, my mate asks, "So, tell me your story!"

The Labrador looks up and says,

"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"

My mate is amazed and decides to buy the dog.

He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid!" The owner says.

"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" my mate replies

















"Because he's a lying t**t!!" says the owner, "He's never been out of the garden!!" :rofl:

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 13 Oct 2017, 18:53

Once again Mrs Beard has left so little petrol in the car that I can only get as far as the pub....

... It’s enough to drive a man to drink. :-/

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 21 Sep 2017, 20:34

An elderly mate of mine was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son...
"Yes Dad, what is it,"
"Don't be nervous son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you your wife" :-/

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 05 Sep 2017, 20:22

Son - "Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?"
Dad - "Because your mum loves Easter, it's an anagram."
Son - "Thanks Dad."
Dad - "No problem Alan"

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 05 Sep 2017, 20:18

Prossy asks a Scouser if he wants a blowjob.

"Not sure", says the Scouser, "will it affect my benefits?" :-/

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 05 Sep 2017, 20:15

An xenophobe, a white supremacist and a sexual predator walk into a bar.

The barman says "What'll it be, Mr. Trump?" :-/

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 30 Aug 2017, 20:09

I got into an argument with a dwarf today after I accidentally walked into him.

He was shouting at me, saying, "You ****ing tosser, watch where you're going you two-hat etc etc"
I was going to say something back to him ........ but decided to be the bigger man. :nod:

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by EmetEdadsBeard » 30 Aug 2017, 20:07

Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked backside out of the window.

.....Chuffin' toot and car moon!..... :-/

FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

by Louis » 17 Aug 2017, 08:58

I'm suffering really badly from Insomnia, on the plus side it's just 3 sleeps 'til Christmas.

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